sigh... french play like kids today... lost money liao...
argg... no mood ah... money is not a big problem... but i REALLY hate the feeling of losing... This feeling remind me of the last sem in lim kok wing, which i spented my best effort in the final project, still lose to song yuan and wye chuan in terms of graphic, interactive, entertainment, EVERYTHING... sien ah... sigh... The phrase "At least I've tried my best" really cannot cover the pain leh... still feeling the ache until now... sigh....
damn stupid france today play like shit only... stupid zedane keep pass the ball to henry, and henry keep missing the shot... stupid referee chee sin liao... keep giving out yellow card... strict like hell... wasted my time sitting there, but cannot see any goal, and still have to lose money...
wah stupid match took away all my mood liao.....
sigh....
ever has this feeling, that the more people you know, the less people that you really "know"? i dare to say that i had quite alot of friends... but still... how well i know them? heck i cannot even remember thier birthday leh! it's like although there's no problem now, but still, it's rude not to know your friend's general detail right?
sigh... what to do? dunno why my memory really bad one... must because of the accident i had damn long time ago... at least that's the excuse i give myself lah...
despite of the friends i had... i still cannot shake away that lonely feeling leh... some time even when in the midle of yam cha, in the middle of laughing at jokes, dunno why will suddenly feel damn down... =.=''' do i really need to find a spiritual support? should i join religion? but none of the religion i really like and agree on woh... i had my way of living.. and if you want me to follow those ideas that i dun like, i also beh song right? cannot find the most suitable religion for myself... but wan meh??? i dun wan join religion lah...
those who knew me all also know i very ham sap one... i was like a hormone raging maniac, approach all kinds of women... that's why i kena twice liao... which i will never forget... =.='' ma de hai make me lost all the remaining confidence i had in myself liao... but thanks to that incident, i knew that i'm not looking for girlfriend afterall.. i dun like to get tied down... i dun like people to kacau me... i still cannot commit... in short, i'm not raedy yet... i found out that, i need a pet...
actually why i start to write blog ah? i'm not the kind of person that can write my emotion out... i'm dun like to share my secrets... i dun like to let people know what i'm thinking... even IF i want people to know, i cannot put it in words... i found out that most of the topic in my blog, all has entertaining values... i think unconciusly, i'm seeking atention... well, not unconciusly.. i knew that from that day i start making jokes on myself so i can make other people happy...
that reminds me... last thursday after me and the SgBuloh gang finish clubbing in Rush, on the way back, one of the guy asked me (that time we alone lah... and no... this time i didn't "broke back" him..)..
"actualy why you let them bully you one?"
(in the middle of clubbing, we saw some guy took of thier shirt (not pants...) so they decided to follow them... uh... actually is they decided to make me fllow them...)
"huh? got bully meh? dunno woh... that time seems fun mah..."
"but you not feel not song meh? let a 18-19 years old kid push you around..."
"huh? hmm... dunno lah... friend mah... nvm one..."
"... ken, you're too nice liao lah.... too nice until it's scary..."
... this lead me to think... ya woh... all this time, i let people push me around only... last time mc they all play like that i nv angry... even that time chun keat twisted my hand (p.s. to chun keat: it's pasted so i forgive liao... just cannot forget only... :P) i did nothing.. the only thing i did was throw the chair, and claim back RM50.. that's it...
is being too nice a very bad thing? i dare to say that if a bully come up to me, push me on the shoulder, and demand me say sorry, i think i'll say sorry and hope he'll walk away... am i being too coward? but in my opinion, that's the only smart, unharm way to solve things mah... if 1 sorry can solve the problem, i lose abit of my pride, and i can settle the matter in the civilize, best, unharm way... but in another hand, that's very coward... it's like i didn;t even TRY to defend my pride... got quite some number of friend tell methat i shouldn't forgive and forget that easilly... some time we should let our rage and feeling take control, instead of the brain... whack first... speak later... too bad it's hard for me to follow it...i'm too rational... i'm scare of pain... i'm the guy that only look at the result... if i whack that guy, of course i'll defend my pride... but after that? the matter sure will get worst... they'll get more people to whack me... or worst... if i swallow my pride, then the matter can be solve in the quickest way... but if like this, i'll swallow my pride whenever i face a problem... do i still consider a man? can i relaly protect my family? should i continue this way?
sigh... really dunno lah... all the stuff and moral that those so call "wise man" (lao-tze, kong-tze, laoFu-Tze etc) all teach us to behave... teach us how to become a moral person... i dare to say that i followed alot of them... but the older i grow, the more i know those so called "good-moral" not only cannot help us in this era at all, it'll make us miserable...
take love life as example... out of 10 girls i saw, 9 girls prefer those bad boys type... i saw some taiwan series, about gangster... after the first episod, i decided to return the dvd back to my friend... sien gau... dun say the girls lah... even i also think the bad boys in the movie are cool... if i'm a girl, obviously i'll choose them over those spec wearing, comb-hair-flat-flat, not muscular, study guy... after the first episod, i realise that all the moral value i learned from childhood, are all rubish... they can't help in love life, they can't help in job, they can't help in anything at all...
sigh.... 3 am liao... that's all in my mind for now.. too tired to think of anything to write... hopefully i won't write anything as sien as this again...
eh baru thought of something... i woner how many "I" and "Me" i've used in this blog? this lead me think back the same question again... why do i write this blog? if i want to entertain people, this is not an entertaining blog... if i wanna grab attention, why the hell i keep writing me? see thsoe blgos with over millions hits perday, they rarely tell about themselves... they talk about politics, sights, culture... etc...
then why the hell i write blog? i dun like to express my feeling... i had better things to do instead of sitting in front of the computer on 3 am in the morning, blogging... not many people reading this... heck I also dun really want people to see this... it's too embarrassing...
heck i dunno even know what i'm writing liao... =.='''
6 Comments:
Wow, 1st time see u write something like this, I will give some comment:
- About friends, numbers doesn'y means anything, like u say, even u know a lot of people u might only know their name but nothing else. However if u push urself to get the friend that u wan, u might not get result and feel sobber, so the only way is, get a lot of friends, casual one, and u might find someone who share the common ideal with u.
- Blogging, it can be good and can be bad, good thing if u can express ur happiness, sadness, anger, whatever u like u can write it here, it's like a free diary. The bad thing is, if u constantly blog, u will cut off ur time with real people, and also if u're writing problems, it seem to give more problems because u will refer and track back once a while and remind u about the problem, and the cycle goes on and on. Blog moderately but not obsessive is best i think.
- About friends took advantage or bully you. It's really up to u how to take it, if u dun mind it, then it's stay how it is, but when u say "don't mind", make sure u do it for real as many people say and do thing differently. However the term nice doesn't means u nid to be a holy saint and praise every single soul, sometime u nid to push around too if it's reasonable, keeping stress and get cancer is not a good thing(stress really kills, expecially in this generation).
- Love isn't about being cool, unless u wan ur wife to be very fak qiao type, see macho tell u:"hubby, see that guy, damm ki siao macho ler, hubby altho i marry to u d but i still like going out with other guy", get the idea? Love means someone love who u are, i see fat guy get pretty girl here, not good looking girl stick with a handsome guy, maybe because aussie people here know love better than us, most of us tend to see appearance but not what's inside their heart.
About life, u can't change the past, u can morph into something else too. U can only improve and learn, like i say, u can't change entirely, but u can evolve and be someone better.
Those above are my opinion anyway, might be wrong.
p.s: too much sorry make u a sorry ass, and u will eventually feel sorry about urself. If u're the one always saying sorry, means those who really do the wrong thing and refuse to say sorry doesn't appreciate u, u think ur sorry really work on them and make them treat u better? the answer is no, they will make u say sorry more frequently because they know u will always do it, and they dun have to bear a single consequence.
on second thoughts... I overshot by 1000 words. cutting them down now
Dear Wei Ken... what makes u think nobody reads ur blog leh? what makes u think nobody care? Sigh.. u put me in dilemma also.. i am the type who will stand up for justice.. sometimes i see u give in easily i feel very not worth for u also which makes me fu*king angry that u give in so easily. But again.. u have a point, if nobody willing to back off, it will make things worst. So if u really think so, i'll support u as long as u happy.
Blogging= attention seeker.. well.. maybe.. i seem to blog to much too.. but i really have alot of things in my mind which i'd like to pour...hahaha.. life is fair, the popular bitch at school can be as pathetic.
wei ken wei ken... we all care for u ,maybe i shldn't say this on behalf of all our frens but i do care for u... hey, my first nite given to u ler...(all !!!! and ???? in ur head?!)haha.... my first time staying overnite in a guy's house is wei ken's house lor!
Ppl grow and we will start to think more n more as we grow... when u start to realise tat tis is not the way it should be, then do sth to it, unless u prefer to stay in current situation or environment... haihh.. wat am i talking abt huh?? all craps ler...dun wana giv too many opinions here.. just wana giv u support n cares...
anyway, i am ur good good fren n u r mine too k... u r the first person i called when japan lost the match... see how important u r now?? =) watever it is.. we r frens 4ever..
Wow, I just ran across your blog while surfing, K abana, SwitchMeister..., pretty neat! I am always looking for good information on cooking, and your post this post definitly struck a chord. It might be worth your while to check out my cooking too. Keep up the good work!
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